Have you ever thought about writing and self-publishing a book as a therapist? Maybe you’d like to share your expertise as a self-help book to reach even more people. Or you might want to share your own story like our co-founder Melissa Parks did in her self-published memoir, A Compassionate Mess: A Therapist, Her Monsters and A Journey to Self-Acceptance.
Melissa learned a lot as she wrote, edited, and self-published her book. It was a journey that took several years, during which Melissa faced imposter syndrome and her inner critic, navigated a worldwide pandemic and had two children. So it’s safe to say that it wasn’t always easy!
Our LIT co-founder, Sonia, interviewed Melissa about writing and self-publishing a book as a therapist. Watch the video to learn tips, takeaways and lessons learned from Melissa’s journey of bringing this book from an empty Google doc to the shelves in your local bookstore.
And read on below for even more insights into the process!
How Melissa came to write a memoir
Like many aspiring writers, Melissa dreamt of writing a book from a very young age. Her private practice was actually born out of a writing project–her blog where she wrote about the intersection of global living and mental health. At that time, she was working for a group practice and didn’t yet know that writing about topics that resonate with your ideal client is actually great marketing advice!
While Melissa enjoyed writing on topics that were important to her clients, she didn’t feel energised about the idea of turning her blog posts into a self-help book, which is a common pathway for many business owners. While there’s nothing wrong with this path, and it’s often a smart business strategy, Melissa really wanted to write a book more as a “passion project.” After many years of writing for SEO, or for her studies as part of her PhD research, she wanted a chance to dive into writing as an art form.
When Melissa thought about the books she loved most, she realised that other people’s stories, or memoirs, were the ones that moved her most. Even though her gut instinct told her that a memoir was the right choice, she was incredibly nervous about the idea. Especially as a therapist who had been told again and again that she shouldn’t disclose too many personal details. With that in mind, how could she open up and share her most personal and private moments in a public format that current or future clients could read – and how could that potentially affect the work she does?
Melissa explores these questions about therapist self-disclosure throughout her memoir, and also highlights the healing power of “common humanity,” or sharing our stories. Now that her book has been read by many early readers, she’s received feedback that they’ve found it incredibly therapeutic. While it’s not a self-help book, she does weave in insights and tools throughout, making it a helpful read for others who have experienced similar challenges.
A Compassionate Mess: What it’s about
In the pages of A Compassionate Mess, Melissa opens up about the decade she spent living abroad across Spain and the Netherlands and her search for home. It’s a memoir of her journey as a therapist, of her own therapy, and figuring out what kind of therapist she wanted to be. She shares how she learned to hold space for clients from around the globe as a new therapist, and her own deeply personal healing journey.
Ultimately, Melissa says this book is about finding self-compassion as a really powerful tool for her own healing and for supporting her clients, too. Throughout the pages, Melissa shares a lot of helpful tools and insights, all woven into the storytelling of her own journey.
It all starts with her Spanish boyfriend breaking up with her, four years into living in Spain, just as she’d started her PhD program, and then having to decide what she’d do next. Would she stay in Spain or move back to the US? You’ll have to read it yourself to find out what she decided to do, and what happened next!
Who should read “A Compassionate Mess”?
This book would be ideal for mental health professionals, especially anyone who’s been drawn to the location independent lifestyle. It explores therapy from the perspective of both the therapist and the client, and how working across borders and cultures affects that work.
But it’s not written specifically for mental health professionals; it’s also accessible to a wider audience. This memoir would be just as useful for anyone who’s struggled with being told that they’re too sensitive, or tried to hold it all together on the outside while falling apart on the inside. You can find out more about Melissa’s book and where you can get your hands on a copy here.
Writing and self-publishing a book as a therapist: The process
Writing her book was a long process that unfolded over years. Initially, Melissa had a few failed attempts at starting the book; she’d make a start, then reach a point where she felt it wasn’t going anywhere and abandon it. Writing a memoir was a whole different ball game from the academic writing she was used to. Eventually, she had to accept that she needed to start from scratch and learn how to tell a story. Working with a book coach was incredibly helpful for strengthening her storytelling skills.
Over the course of writing her memoir, Melissa also had two children, which of course contributed to the slow progress. It turns out that juggling running a business, raising children, and writing a book is quite a lot to do all at once. As a business owner and mum of two, it was easy to get distracted by more pressing matters. In contrast, the book felt more like a passion project without any firm external deadlines, so it was easy for it to move down her priority list.
But one of the biggest challenges Melissa faced was imposter syndrome rearing its head.
Despite everything, Melissa always felt the pull to return to her book. And over time, the book gradually took shape in the form it is now.
Even once the first draft was written, a lot of behind-the-scenes work went into this book. There were multiple rounds of editing, attempts to find a traditional publisher, and eventually, the decision to go down the self-publishing route. (Even more work!). So to Melissa, getting to this point feels like a huge accomplishment. Writing a book is truly a marathon, not a sprint.
The tricky question of self-disclosure
Therapists are told right from the get-go that they should be a blank slate for their clients and so not to share any personal details. But what does that mean when you’re called to write a memoir and share some of those most private and vulnerable moments? Throughout her professional life, Melissa has questioned the concept of self-disclosure; within the memoir, she shares how she struggled to find her own comfort levels in how much to share with clients.
Melissa had some experience of clients knowing a few details about her life, as some discovered her through a blog that definitely wasn’t meant for that purpose! This experience helped Melissa to realise that some level of self-disclosure could be helpful to clients; these people wanted to work with her because they knew she had been through something similar.
But when writing a memoir, you’re about as vulnerable as it’s possible to be. So how did that sit with Melissa? She felt anxious about this aspect, especially the idea of current or future clients reading her memoir. Initially when it came to writing A Compassionate Mess, Melissa thought there wouldn’t be much of an overlap between her readers and the type of people she works with in her practice. However, some early readers have told Melissa how reading her memoir has made them feel more inclined to work with her – something she didn’t think would happen (and wasn’t the aim of writing the book).
At this stage, this is all still pretty new to Melissa, and she’s still figuring out how she feels about it all. Melissa was nervous about former clients reading her memoir, but a few of them signed up to be early readers and have shared how much they appreciated knowing more about her.
As for current clients, her knee-jerk reaction was to tell them not to read it. But now she feels like if they did, it would just be something to have a conversation about to ensure it didn’t affect their work together. She also thinks it may be beneficial for some clients to learn more about her own challenges along her self-compassion journey as she often hears that it’s just too hard for them, or not their style. In the memoir, she candidly shares how self-compassion is actually a radical concept and even caused her to feel a great deal of resistance.
What you should know if you want to write a book
Throughout this process, Melissa has learned a huge amount. So what should aspiring authors know before they embark on writing and self-publishing a book as a therapist?
Firstly, writing a book is a huge undertaking! It’s not something to go into lightly, and because of this, it’s important to know WHY you want to write a book – especially if you’re doing it as part of your business strategy. Melissa recommends creating an outline and a plan before you dive into writing the book itself. While Melissa didn’t do this herself, and it was the actual writing that helped her to discover the outline of her book, she doesn’t plan to do this with future books. Going in without a plan is a recipe for it taking even longer, and may be overwhelming for a first-time author.
The other thing Melissa wants you to know is that if you look at your writing and feel like it’s the worst thing you’ve ever written, you’re not alone! This often happened to Melissa, and sometimes, she honestly felt like giving up. But just know that almost every writer feels like this at some point – it’s not just you. Imposter syndrome is huge, and your inner critic will tell you that you’re an awful writer and no one will want to read anything you’ve written.
But don’t let that hold you back, because it’s simply not true! For Melissa, one of the most powerful things she did was to hire a book coach and work on overcoming her imposter syndrome. Also, you will eventually have an editor who will ensure that your writing is as beautiful as the words you read in your favourite books (more on hiring a team to support you below).
Melissa’s experience of working with a book coach
As mentioned, Melissa experienced many challenges when writing her book: Limited time to write, too many other responsibilities, and her own self-doubt among other things.
When Melissa realised she just wasn’t making the progress she wanted on her book, she knew she needed to do something different. And that’s why she hired a book coach.
This became a turning point for Melissa. Her book coach was part editor, part writing teacher, and part cheerleader, all rolled into one. Every couple of weeks, Melissa would send her writing to her book coach and get some feedback on her progress so far. Not only did Melissa learn a ton from her book coach (she equates this whole experience to getting an MFA!), but it also provided the essential external accountability and structure she needed to move forward with her book.
Do you need a book coach to write a book? Not necessarily, but in Melissa’s case, it was an invaluable investment. Melissa’s book coach helped her in many ways, from editing her book to guiding her through the process of applying for a literary agent.
How and why Melissa self-published her book
Initially, Melissa looked into the traditional publishing route. She liked the idea of getting her book in front of as many readers as possible, and the prestige that comes from being published by one of the big publishing houses. One thing that attracted Melissa to traditional publishing was that often, you have a larger marketing budget to work with. However, she also learned that the author may still have to do a lot of the marketing work themselves, even when working with a larger publishing company.
Despite reaching out to many different agents and publishers, Melissa didn’t get a bite. Nowadays, most publishers are looking for people with a huge social media following, as this indicates there is an audience for the book and profit to be made. Of course, this was initially quite disheartening, but after a lot of thought, Melissa knew she still wanted to get her book out and into the world. So she opted for the self-publishing route.
After some initial research, Melissa realised quite how much work goes into self-publishing a book, so she hired a team to help her. Melissa firmly believes that it takes a village to publish a book! And just like we encourage location independent therapists to outsource so they can focus on what they do best, Melissa knew that it wouldn’t be feasible to do all this work herself. She hired a cover designer, a proofreader (in addition to the editor she’d already worked with), and someone to help her with the interior design of her book and with preparing it for release across different platforms.
What other help do you need to self-publish?
It really depends on your budget. You can hire a marketing team to help promote your book, or an assistant to handle content creation, scheduling, and more. Or you can DIY it.
Melissa did most of the marketing for her book herself, using AI to create a launch calendar to ensure she didn’t miss any tasks necessary to get her book out into the world and to let people know about it. Many authors, even ones who aren’t self-published, struggle with the marketing side of things. They enjoy the writing, but not the vulnerable side of telling everyone about the writing. However, from her years as a business owner, Melissa knows how important visibility is, and she has plenty of tricks for pushing past the imposter syndrome and fears.
One unexpected thing that helped her courage, and which is a step that’s recommended for self-published authors, was to get a group of early readers (often called ARC readers). While she was nervous about sharing her writing, the positive feedback from her early readers helped her feel more confident about sharing her book with a larger audience. It also provided invaluable marketing material, including a better understanding of her “ideal reader.”
One last tip for aspiring writers
If you’ve been dreaming of writing a book, just do it! Don’t let the fear hold you back. Just like with any big decision like moving abroad, starting a business, or having a child, there may be logical reasons not to do it. But if it’s calling you, give it a go!
Melissa is so glad that she listened to her gut and persevered with her book, even though it was tough at times. If she had to start all over again, she’d still say yes to the book. In fact, she’s already starting to think about writing a second one. Her advice to you is this: if you have a story to tell, then share it (and everyone has a story to tell!).
If you’ve been dreaming of writing your own book as a mental health professional, we hope this blog post has given you a more realistic idea of what the process could look like. It’s both a lot of work and more achievable than you might have imagined!
You can find out more about Melissa’s book and where you can get your hands on a copy here. And if you have any questions for our co-founder Melissa about writing and self-publishing a memoir, drop them in the comments below!
